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I know that you miss me, at times you are sad. You think you should have done
more as a Mom or a Dad. But I've something to tell you, so you won't feel so
bad. You gave me the best life I could ever have had. Now that I'm in heaven, I
don't feel
the pain. It's always warm and sunny here, never any rain. I just have to thank
you, that the memories are glad.... For you gave me the best life I could ever
have had. The times that were painful are just lessons learned. I've forgotten
the sad times, with the freedom I've earned. Just know in your heart, with faith
iron-clad... That you gave me the best life I could ever have had.
~Author unknown
I wrote this shortly after Wolf passed away.
The Shadowlands
there is a place called the shadowlands, i've been there once or twice....
the only way to get there is to love deeply and loose that which you loved.
it is a place you never want to go, but fate or life or whatever you want to call it
takes you by the hand and pulls you on a journey down a darkened path
that ends in a lifeless mist of sorrow, grief and pain.
"oh take me from this place, this place i can not bare to be,
i feel my heart has been pulled from me...never to return."
...i run down every turn looking for an escape,
only to find that time is the only escape from this misery...
time... a long time...spent in this place called the shadow lands...
sadly, my time here has just begun.
~ maryann michaela johnson
december 29, 09
3:34:53 a.m.
written five days after Wolf died
"How do you pick up the threads of an old life?
How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back...
There are some things that time can not mend. Some hurts that go too deep, that have taken hold." ~ (from The Return of The King)
"are you feeling any better?" why is everyone asking me that?
NO, i am NOT, and i don't plan on "feeling better" for a long time is my answer to them....
why does everyone want everyone to 'get over' things so fast or for everyone to be happy shiny people all the time?! don't people remember or realize that grief takes a long time to go through?
or is everyone the Vulcan i wish i could be? so many questions i ask myself....i do not want to 'rush' through my grief...i want to honor Wolf with my tears and sorrow over my loss of her...to do less would be an insult to her life, memory and my love of her....and it would be harmful for me, if i force myself to hurry through it....it will come back to haunt me eventually...grief and mourning are a must that can not and should not ever be ignored... i know folks mean well when they ask, are you feeling any better. but that only causes me to feel worse to think that folks would actually think Wolf meant that little to me, for me to be on the road to recovery so soon......i want to scream "let me grieve! let me mourn! let me be free of everyone thinking i should be better by now!" ....just let me travel this road that i must walk down as slow as i need and want to go........."
maryann (michaela) johnson
january 24, 10
one month to the day that Wolf left us
Why Remember? (a must read)
Why remember?
Because remembering honors.
Remembering heals.
Remembering forgives.
Remembering creates appreciation and gratitude –
two of the most wondrous salves for your sorrows.
People sometimes think that they will feel better by denying their grief
and refusing to remember what has caused it.
In some cases and at certain times, that may be true.
As your life continues to demand that you support yourself,
care for others, and be out and about in the world,
you may need to place your memories on hold.
But grief is like a bill collector:
You can delay facing it, but if you do so for too long,
it will come to meet you at your front door.
Grief will have its day, whether you consciously allow it to or not.
So it is in your best interest to heal the wounds of grief with remembrance.
Refusing to remember can cause bitterness, pain, and anger to appear to fade away.
But buried grief lies in wait and pounces unexpectedly.
Buried grief casts an invisible veil of sadness over every future relationship.
It whispers that to love means to suffer.
It convinces you that life offers nothing but despair.
The dammed-up river of unresolved grief
makes it easier for each subsequent loss
to burst through your defenses.
With organic grieving, you will not bury your grief.
Instead, you will allow the rhythms of your emotions to ebb and flow naturally.
By giving yourself the gift of remembering your animal companion,
grief will seep back into and enrich the soil of your life
instead of creating poisonous wells of unresolved sadness inside you.
" grief is
the price we all pay for love"
co-owner Gretchen Jackson of Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro
If it should be that I grow frail and weak and pain should keep me from
my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done, for this, the last battle, can't be
won.
...
You will be sad I understand, but don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest, your love and friendship must stand
the test.
We have had so many happy years, you wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend, only, stay with me till the
end
And hold me firm and speak to me, until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree, it is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved, from pain and suffering I have been
saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you, who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close, we two, these years, don't let your heart hold any
tears
"You no longer
greet me, as I walk through the door.
You're not there to make me smile, to make me laugh anymore.
Life seems quiet without you, you were far more than a pet.
You were a family member, a friend, a loving soul I'll never forget.
It will take time to heal--for the silence to go away.
I still listen for you, and miss you every day.
You were such a great companion, constant, loyal and true.
My heart will always wear, the pawprints left by you."
A Place in Heaven
Is there a place in Heaven
Where dog companions go
Before I'd want to go there
I'd really need to know
A being pure of spirit
And a being without sin
Is surely one that should be there
But does God let him in?
The theologians argue
A soul is what they lack
But one who's always there for you
Should be given something back
I could not face eternity
Without paws and tails
And if that's what religion thinks
Then that is where it fails
I hope God doesn't let me down
I'm sure He knows their worth
For we who have been loved by them
Have Heaven here on Earth!
-- Janis Diebert
laJoie Magazine, Summer 2004
My Faithful Dog
I turn and I feel he sits
As usual, by my side,
My faithful devoted friend
For me, he'll never die.
For I'll ever hear his gentle breathing
His step upon the stair,
My heart will never lose the image
Of all his loving care.
If I hear a rustle in the garden
I still see him lunging at the chase,
That convoluted wagging tail
Tearing out the gate.
For a scent upon the wind
Is hiding in the trees,
Dog will sniff it out as usual
A crunchy treat to seize.
He knew if I felt alone
When friends had gone once more,
He'd rest his chin upon my knee
His tail thumping on the floor.
When it was time to check the mail
My dog, obedient 'stayed'
But he knew when he was allowed
To walk on sunny days.
When I got all dressed up
With things I had to do,
He'd lay sadly at the door
My loyal dog so true.
Maybe he didn't win a medal
For a coat that I could show,
But he sure stole my heart
This.... is all I know.
Soft Whispers from
Derry's Heart Poems © 2003
heartwhispers@iinet.net.au
more poetry to come................
We give dogs time we can spare,
space we can spare and love we can spare.
And in return, dogs give us their all.
It's the best deal man has ever made.
~M.Facklam~
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